feels she should explain

ok i am aware that i haven't been got that long but i do feel i should at lest try and explain to ppl why.

However there are a few things i would have ppl remember / point out to ppl 1st:

* as i write this i am sobbing....this is happening far to much to me atm ( i sit down,myself for 30secs, think about stuff and i start crying....this i feel is not good)

* please for hell's sake remember who's mind this is, this is the same person that on a good day or at 4am is on par with the groups' evil(ist) gm. also normally on my desk i have copy's : # the art of war (Sun Tzu) # the prince (Machiavelli) and # imagining the ten dimensions (Rob Bryanton) therefor sees or tries to see thing from any "side" (boo's mind is very very twisted)

Right with that out of the way i will try to began...oddly i have no idea how to start.......:(
*takes a deep breath*

% The move to warrington has not been my greatest idea, the extra 2hours travel time is killing me slowly.
% this going to sound really bad but i really don't like working with norm's ( in almost very way my "co-workers" are norms') 2of the other girls (who are both bleach blond and so very dissy [wonderful people but dissy]. The other full time guy we have flaps (yes i know i do flap with point i get a bap on the nose or a hit underside the head and told to stop) this his guy stresses, flaps (at times arms in all) which then stresses me out more......

*oh Sora wats the goa'uld word(s) for stupid useless human?*

%my departy who's ego does remind me of an other red haired, tall,lancy male we know. My departy is a nice enough guy but oh dear god is .....how he plays the other to girls.
%it really shouldn't matter but when they stand around talking wen there is stuff to do and i'm the one left to do it ........hate to say it but all 4 of then do it. Just......ahhh! manager does his best but even he stresses me out *curses in goa'uld*

%ok this is going to sound bad/odd but i don't have time to sot down and kill things....Wat a mean is that i don't have time to sit chill out and game. I am the 1st out in the morning and the last on in the evening on working day. Once i'm in after work i have dinner then fall down. followed by up again and go to work (and repeat). I cram washing, project work, gaming and trying to be sociable into 1 possible 2days a week....i miss my gaming time (sharing gaming time with ltl bro not really helping )i shouldn't need to kill things( ok maybe not always killing....small/medium about of killing ) but it is needed.

%since i cramming almost everything into a small about of days means i am not getting any time to myself (which is selfish i know) but my self-view is low at the best of time, atm ....i walk around work as a ghost ....i know i'm not plain (there are times when i believe i'm beautiful) but atm its not true. i struggle to combined 2 of the biggest parts of myself: the female (girly) bit + the weapons swinging(ass kicking,dominant)bit..oddly they don't jell very well

%i feel alone .....on the slight up side my nightmare have lessened....but i do feel alone ..yes i know i'm not alone (groups/guys/ppl are around) but.........

time to stop since my key-broad is now quite wet and doesn't really like it